Love and Confusion
by WriteChristineR
Summary: A little bit of fluff revolving around Alexis's realization that she's in love. Beckett and Alexis bond a little bit. Castle/Beckett undertones.


Disclaimer: I own nothing Castle-related. Except the first two seasons on DVD and a copy of _Heat Wave_... but that's neither here nor there. I guess it's "there," although I'm not sure where "there" is... oh, never mind. Apparently "there" is on my desk.

Author's Note: This is my first story for Castle, and I'm a little (okay, a lot) nervous about it. It's not fantastic and it's 99% fluff, but I hope you like it anyway. I can take constructive criticism and I would like to know if there's stuff I can do better, especially characterization-wise... so if you're bothering to read this, please please please review. Thank you. I love you. Whoever you are.

Background: During the episode "Punked" when Alexis decides that she's in love, Castle asks Beckett how you know you're in love and she responds "All the songs make sense," something Alexis had said earlier. It's a great quote, but it always seemed a little fishy to me. So here's my explanation for that.

Another random point... I just created another penname specifically for Castle stories, but apparently I can't actually use it for anything for two days. So I'm sorry, but in about two days this will be showing up as newly added again under my other penname, WriteChristineR. Special shout-out to Dreana for telling me to post it now anyway. Okay. Time to get to the actual story now.

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Love and Confusion

I was still thinking about him when I got home. I felt like I could float up to our loft without the help of the elevator, but my logical side won me over, as usual, and I pushed the button. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this happy, unless it was the time my dad got us front row seats to see one of my favorite bands. It was a close call, but I thought I might actually be happier now.

I saw Ashley's face in my head. He was so perfect. Well, he was mostly perfect. His name was weird. It suited him, and I actually thought it was cute, but I knew my dad would eventually make fun of me for falling for a guy named Ashley.

But was that what had happened? Had I really fallen for him? What did that really mean, to fall for someone? Did it mean I was in love with him?

Love. Just thinking about that word in reference to a guy outside of my family made my heart jump a little. I had almost no experience with this stuff. Could I be in love?

This surprises most people, but there weren't many moments when I wished my mom was a bigger part of my life. I loved her, but, and don't take this the wrong way, I also loved the distance between us. I saw my friends and their relationships with their moms, and most of them really didn't get along. It seemed to me that for most girls my age, a mom was someone to butt heads with over really stupid, trivial things, not someone to go shopping with or talk to about boys. When I did see my mom, we could do both of these things, and I actually enjoyed her company. I liked our relationship this way. I had my dad and my grandma as the "parental" influences in my life. Most of the time, that was all I needed.

But right now, I thought it would really be nice to have a woman a little closer to my age, but still older and more experienced, to ask all of my questions. Gram was a big help with a lot of my girly stuff, but her first love was just so long ago. She might not remember it all that clearly, and besides, things had probably changed since then.

I floated into our apartment and saw Gram in the kitchen reading over lines for her next audition. "Alexis dear," she called when she saw me, "how was your day?"

"Fine, Gram," I told her. That was an incredible understatement, but I wasn't ready to talk to her about Ashley just yet. "Is Dad home?"

"He's at the precinct. Do you need something?"

"No, just wondering. I have homework."

I went upstairs to my room, but dropped my bag on the floor with no intention of taking out my books. Instead I got my iPod, perched on top of my bed, and just started listening to music.

All the songs I'd liked before but apparently had never fully understood seemed to take on a new life. With every line, I saw his face pulsing clearly before my eyes.

I listened for at least an hour, totally immersed, finding a way to relate every line, every word, to him… to us. After that time I was even more blissfully happy than before, but also even more confused.

I could hear Dad talking to Gram downstairs. So he was home. I was so energized that I could practically feel the words I needed to get out clawing at my voice box. I was ready to talk, but not with either of the people downstairs. On a whim, I picked up my cell phone, selected an entry in my contacts list, and called it.

"Beckett," she answered after a couple rings. The way she always answered threw me off a little. It was just so formal.

"Hi, it's Alexis," I said, a little awkwardly. Why had I called her? I was supposed to be the logical person in the family; the one who actually thought things through. My dad was the impulsive one. I was sure Detective Beckett had better things to do than talk to me.

"Oh, hey Alexis. You looking for your dad? He went home a little while ago."

"No actually, he's here. I'm sorry, are you busy?"

"Not really, I was just getting ready to head home for the day. What's up?"

"Oh, then you should go. I don't want to keep you."

"Alexis. Why did you call? Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, everything's fine. I just…" I sighed. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, of course.

I relaxed a little, remembering something that I'd temporarily forgotten. Beckett's job was stressful, and she sometimes came off a little uptight, but every time I'd ever really talked to her she'd been really nice. I knew I shouldn't be nervous. I still was a little, but I knew I shouldn't be. "How do you know when you're in love?" I asked.

Love? Alexis had called to ask me this? Why had she called _me?_ I didn't know her that well, and I was sure I wasn't an authority on the subject. I let out a steady stream of air, thinking about how to answer. "It's not exactly black and white," I finally said.

"I know, but give me an idea."

I grabbed my stuff, waved to the boys, and went off toward the elevator, not particularly anxious for Ryan and Esposito to hear this conversation. "Well for one, you can't stop thinking about him." I pushed the elevator button.

"Check," she said simply.

"Uh… you make lists in your head of everything you need to tell him the next time you talk."

She giggled. "Check."

I got into the elevator and lowered my eyebrows, thinking. "If it's still early in the relationship, when you know you're gonna see him you want to look your best."

"Check. Definitely."

The elevator arrived on the ground floor, and I headed for the parking lot and my car. I couldn't think of any other points off the top of my head, and I needed to keep talking to push away the face that appeared in my head with statement I posed. It was starting to freak me out, especially considering I had his daughter on the phone. "Well, you could be in love," I told her. "Maybe you are." _But not necessarily, _I reminded myself, although that thought had nothing to do with Alexis. "You know, like I said, it's not clear-cut."

"What if every song I hear, all the love songs, anyway, sound like they were written about me? Or him? Or us? Suddenly they make a totally new level of sense. I understand them differently, more fully, than I ever did before."

I smirked as my car came into view. "Depends on what kind of music you listen to."

She kept going without responding to my last comment, a kind of selective attention I decided she must have learned from her dad. "And what if I can't stop smiling no matter what I do, and I can't concentrate on anything for very long, not even if it's school-related?"

I smiled, amused at the "not even if it's school-related" comment, but suppressed a chuckle because I didn't want her to think I was laughing at her. "That sounds like young love to me," I told her, mentally flashing back to high school as I got into my car.

"Really?" she asked, sounding pleased with my assessment. But before I could respond, her tone changed, became much more sober. "What do I tell my dad?"

My heart beat a little faster when she mentioned her father. Until I thought about it, I could almost forget that Alexis was Castle's daughter because they were so different, but when she said this it brought me back to reality, reminding me that if she was anyone else I more than likely wouldn't be talking to her right now. But Alexis didn't need to know any of this. "It's up to you," I said simply. "You can tell him as much or as little as you want."

"I hate keeping things from him, and he can always tell if I am, but do you think he'd totally freak out? I mean, you know him, what do you think?"

I sighed. I did know him, but her question would've been much easier to answer if I didn't. I couldn't decide if I should give an answer that would make him crazy or make it easier on him, and since I didn't know what my goal was I couldn't really think through what advice to give Alexis. It was odd that I was torn and I knew it. Castle drove me crazy on a daily basis, and I should use whatever means I could to repay him for that. And yet, when it came to Alexis, the game somehow changed. Part of it was that there was another person involved who my response would affect, someone who didn't drive me crazy and I didn't want to torture, but that wasn't the whole reason. As a single dad trying to raise a teenage daughter, I didn't envy Castle. And I knew that as carefree and insensitive as he could be, there was nothing in the world that he cared about more than his daughter. It was one of the reasons why I tolerated, even, I admitted to myself, sometimes liked having him around. There was that other side to him. But if Alexis realized that I was trying to make it easier on him, would it be letting her know too much? Would it be giving her clues to feelings I hadn't even fully admitted to myself yet?

"Detective Beckett?"

"Oh, sorry," I said, realizing how long I had been silent, contemplating. Castle had managed to worm his way into a conversation that was supposed to be about Alexis, and that wasn't fair. I figured the best thing I could do was be as honest with her as possible. "I think you should be open with him," I told her. "It'll make you feel better, and you're right, he'll know if you're holding back." I knew this from experience. Castle could often tell when I was keeping something from him, and I was sure he was just as attuned to his daughter as he was to me, probably more so. Plus I knew Alexis was easier to read than I was.

"You don't think he'll flip?"

"I think he's always going to be a little uncomfortable with you dating, but that's just because you're his daughter. He's going to have to get used to it eventually, and it might actually make it easier if you talk to him about it."

"Do you really think so? If I tell him I'm in love… you don't think it would just make him hate the guy? I want him to like Ashley. Is that pathetic? Should I not be worried about that?"

I paused for a second, a little confused. "Who's Ashley?"

"Oh, sorry. Ashley's my boyfriend. The guy I'm in love with?"

I smiled, understanding. "Sorry, you threw me off for a sec. Ashley is an unusual name for a guy."

"I know, and that's another thing. Dad is _so_ going to make fun of me for dating a boy named Ashley. But that's another thing I'm pathetic for worrying about, isn't it?"

"No, none of it's pathetic. You shouldn't worry about the name thing, though. If it's not a problem for you, your dad can look past it too. But you and your dad are close, and it's sweet that you want him to like your boyfriend. I know that he loves you, and I think if you let him know how much you care about this guy, he'll give him a chance."

"So you think I should tell him that I'm in love?"

"Yeah, or something like that. Just tell him what you told me."

She paused for a second, apparently considering. "Okay," she finally said. "Thanks. That was really helpful."

"No problem." I still wasn't sure why Alexis had called _me_, but I was happy to help if I could.

"Could you maybe _not_ mention to Dad that we talked? He'll get weird if he finds out that I talked to you before him."

"I can't see any reason why I'd tell him. We'll keep this between us."

"Thank you so much, Detective Beckett," she said gratefully. "I'll let you go now."

"Okay," I said, shifting in my seat to get ready to drive back to my apartment. "Bye, Alexis."

"Bye."

I hung up and set my cell phone in the cup holder closest to the driver's seat, smiling. No one had really asked my advice on anything non-work-related in years. It made me feel appreciated in a way that I usually didn't. If I could be a kind of role model for Alexis, I would. She was a sweet girl. I started my car and began the short drive to my apartment.

Another thought crossed my mind, with a flicker of a smile that I quickly extinguished. If getting closer to Alexis happened to bring me closer to Castle… then so be it.

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A/N Again: Like it? Hate it? Press the pretty bluish-gray review button. Thanks for reading!


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